A friend of mine recently suggested that I could go online to find some simple workouts for the gym. I hate the gym, I loath the gym. When I was growing up, I found every excuse NOT to go to the gym with my friends.
It smells of sweat, people with overactive testosterone, and just the weird feelings you get, especially when you don't look like them..... In shape. It can get a bit overwhelming, especially if you're super self-conscious like me.
One thing I can appreciate though is that the gym up the road from me is open 24 hours a day. So I can go workout, or at least "pretend" to workout while all the "meatheads" are sleeping. There is nothing more sedate than an empty gym to try and forge a relationship with something I hate so much, let alone using a "cheatsheet" to document a workout that I copied off the internet.
Normally, I would drive to the gym, but in trying to be all "healthy" and stuff, I decided to walk. Walking 9 at night??? What am I thinking?
Tonight was relatively quiet as this adonis rode the bike waaaaaaaaaaay in the corner, as to not drive attention to myself. iPod going, TV showing the latest NFL highlights and a few people here and there.
I head on over to the weight machines, my heart pumping in trepidation and anxiety. I am remembering why I hate this part of the gym. Luckily, a lady is wiping herself down and is slowly moving to weight bench.
I am praying that this workout goes by really fast so that I can go jump in the pool, an environment I am more comfortable in. My stomach is twisting and turning. I so want to be nonexistent right now.
The lady, now is doing biceps curls and staring at herself in the mirror. Her eyes are fixated on her form reflecting in the mirror. So narcissistic! She stands up to put her weights back, she is all sweaty as she walks back to get a drink of water from her water bottle. She walks away leaving her thong leotard ass sweat on the weight bench. So gross!!!! She has no second thoughts as to wiping it down. At least wear some pants! The 80's are over!!! Is she dressed like this thinking that she could get away by being so skimpily clad because it's not overly crowded?
She is now at the stationary bike, she is spreading more of her sweaty ass sweat around the gym. It reminds me of how a friend of mine recently got ring worms on his arm from dirty equipment. Even more I am regretting being in this gym. I am just mortified!
The hero of the night is now walking in her direction. Our hero is now scolding her and telling her to clean the equipment that she was using. The gym attendant now walks back to the counter and is watching our ass sweat friend intently.
I call it quits, wipe down my equipment and head to the locker room to change. No sense getting scoldings too!
I am going to have nightmares about this tonight!!! I still hate being in the gym, and tonight justified it even more!!!!!
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